This blog is about a duel between Chuck Norris’ facts vs. Gauss’ facts. But not any kind of facts, this time the battle is only about mathematical facts. Who will be the winner? I made my choice, you can check it at the end of the blog. Do you agree or disagree with my decision?
Chuck Norris’ facts
• Chuck Norris can recite the digits of pi… backwards.
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.
• Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
• Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
• If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
• The square-root of -1 is not imaginary. It is just hiding from Chuck Norris.
• The shortest distance between two points is Chuck Norris.
• The square root of 2 is rational number for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris can square the circle, double the cube and trisect an angle using only his fingers for a compass and his arm for a straight edge.
• Chuck Norris can solve a system of equations of parallel lines.
• When Chuck Norris was given a math test, he wrote “Violence” as the answer to all the questions. He got an A+ because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with violence.
• Chuck Norris can find the roots of quadratic equation with negative discriminant in the set of natural numbers.
• Chuck Norris can differentiate Weierstrass’ function.
• Chuck Norris once squared the circle only with a compass.
• Chuck Norris knows the biggest prime number.
• Chuck Norris listed all the real numbers.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t do mathematics, Chuck Norris is mathematics.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t do Lagrange multipliers…for him there are no constraints
• Chuck Norris is the (n+1)th root of all degree n polynomials in x
• There are no such things as physical constants: they just think if they don’t move Chuck Norris won’t see them.
• Chuck Norris can isolate magnetic monopoles; he gives them to small orphan children as birthday presents.
• Chuck Norris only combs half of his beard, the rest follows by symmetry.
• Chuck Norris has never climbed Everest. It is too easy. When he wants to go mountaineering, he constructs a Dirac Delta Function out of 4 sheets of graph paper, some dark matter and a large amount of duct tape.
• Chuck Norris once fought Yoda, Darth Vader and the Emperor simultaneously. After he’d thrashed them all, he made them draw diagrams showing the Force at every stage of the battle.
* Gauss didn’t discover the normal distribution, nature conformed to his will.
* Gauss can construct transcendental numbers only using a compass.
* Parallel lines meet where Gauss tells them to.
* Some problems are Not Programmable because Gauss doesn’t like computers.
* Gauss never runs out of room in the margin.
* Gauss can write irrationals as the ratio of 2 integers.
* Gauss never needs the axiom of choice.
* Gauss can square the circle and then transform it into the hyper-sphere.
* The location and momentum of a particle are what Gauss say they are.
* An elegant proof is one line long. Gauss’ elegant proofs are one word long.
* Gauss doesn’t look for roots of equations, they come to him.
* There are no theorems, just a list of propositions Gauss allows to be true.
* When Gauss integrates he doesn’t need to add a constant.
* Hilbert put forward 23 unsolved problems because he hadn’t properly read Gauss’ notebooks.
* Gauss knows the topological difference between a doughnut and a coffee cup.
* Gauss can divide by zero.
* Gauss would never ever have a bad box error.
* Primes that aren’t Gaussian primes get teased.
* If Gauss had to walk 100 meters, and half the remaining distance, then half the remaining distance again, and so on, he’d get there.
* Erdös believed God had a book of all perfect mathematical proofs. God believes Gauss has such a book.
* Gauss has Hilbert hotels on Mayfair and Park Lane.
* God does not play dice, unless Gauss promises to let him win once in a while.
* Gauss doesn’t look for roots of equations, they come to him.”
* Fermat once made Gauss angry. The result…Fermat’s Last Theorem.
* Gauss once played himself in a zero-sum game and won $50.
* Gauss has an Erdös number of -1.
* When Gauss tells you that he’s lying, he’s telling the truth.
* Gauss checked the infinity of primes by counting them, starting from the last.
* Gauss can walk through Konigsberg crossing its bridges once and only once.
* Gauss can recite all of π – backwards, too.
* When Gauss was thirsty, he used Banach–Tarski paradox to get more orange juice.
* The common phrase used by mathematicians, “Let n be an integer”, is literally a request to Gauss to allow it to be so.
* As a child, Gauss was instructed to sum the numbers from 1 to 100. He did this by summing the infinite series and then subtracting off every integer greater than 100, one by one, in his head.
* Gauss can let ε be less than zero.
* Gauss can get to the other side of a Möbius strip.
* When Carl Friedrich Gauss adds one, his number doesn’t increase, all other numbers become smaller.
* Gauss doesn’t understand stochastic processes because he can predict random numbers.
* Some series diverge because Gauss doesn’t consider them worthy of summing up.
* Gauss once proved an axiom, but he didn’t like it. So he disproved it.
* Gauss once got lost in a forest. So he added a few edges and reduced the forest to a single tree.
* Only Gauss knows whether Schrödinger’s cat is dead or alive.
* Gaussian Elimination is actually a secret martial arts technique.
* Gauss can shave with Occam’s razor.
* Gauss can prove axioms.
* Gauss doesn’t recognize complex numbers, they’re all simple to him.
* Gauss does not derive a function, he disintegrates it.
* Gauss actually won a Nobel Prize in Mathematics.
* Gauss drinks his beer from a Klein bottle.
* Gauss can convert meters to degrees Celsius.
* Gauss knows a bijective function from N to R.
* Gauss proved that the Mandelbrot set is locally connected by drawing the boundary by hand.
* To iron a shirt, Gauss first applies a diffeomorphism to transform it to a flat piece of fabric.
* G. Perelman didn’t accept Field’s medal since he felt it would be unfair for him to take credit for the proof of Poincaré conjecture he found in one of Gauss unpublished notebooks.
* Gauss proved induction using a proof by induction.
* Unbounded sequences converge when Gauss is around.
* Gauss can think of three vectors that are an orthonormal basis of R^2.
* Gauss proved Goldbach’s Conjecture by checking each case.
* Gauss once created an axiomatic system that was both consistent and complete.
* Gauss can invert matrices even if its determinant is zero.
* Chuck Norris learned from Gauss how to count up to infinity.
* Gauss found a counter example to each and every Chuck Norris ‘fact’, while he was counting to infinity – twice.
Carl Friedrich Gauss
Have a nice day, dear folks. :p
Juárez, the platypus.
Juárez, el ornitorrinco.